22 December 2011 at Waves.
Belbarrick and Zodar Khan, clerics of Orderon.
Kalikarr, cleric of the Church of Law.
Mern the Blue.
Murg Serpenthelm the slaver.
Balbarrick and Zodar Khan enlist Mern the Blue and somebody who claims to be Bonspiel but is probably Ranndy Serpenthelm, but Balbarrick is destroyed by explosive mushrooms, and Mern is slaughtered by evil cultists. When Zodar and Ranndy replace Belbarrick with another Lawful cleric and Mern with another Serpenthelm, a second foray into Fortress Eibon goes even worse and a small army of slaves are immolated. Zodar and Ranndy leave, dejected.
Two Worlds Collided and They Could Never, Never Tear Us Apart
Balbarrick and Zodar Khan are a couple of lawful clerics, new in town and eager to brave the terrible chaotic blight that is Fortress Eibon. Floria the Viperhearted sends them to some of her fellow adventurers, and unfortunately for them they run into crafty ol' Ranndy Serpenthelm who seems to be masquerading as a cleric named Bonspiel. Since he's not even a lawful cleric, Balbarrick and Zodar take no notice. This "Bonspiel" is also accompanied by Mern the Blue, a wizard of some repute.
Trying to Find Heramphalmos
Ranndy has nothing but disdain for the mercenaries, who hold him in equal if not more contempt. A young kid and an older stalwart determined to look out for him decide to accompany the party. He also buys a slave and sends Balbarrick to look for Heramphalmos. The doughty cleric follows a convoluted trail that leads to Jezehell, his wife, who is a whore at a place called Bitches with Whips, on Whip Street. Balbarrick gets nothing he can use from her, so Mern the blue goes down to harrass her. He tries casting Charm on her, but the other whores realize and forcibly detain her, while threatening Mern as well. He leaves frustrated.
Into the Fortress
The four heroes go to the Locust Courtyard and check out the lone door. Some men trying to catch locusts there tell them it's the door to the thieves' clubhouse. The party enters, and finds a room full of mushrooms. Balbarrick and one of the slaves touch a mushroom and are immediately immolated in a flash of light. Ranndy Serpenthelm uses his ring of telekinesis to move Balbarrick's body all over the room and explode all the other mushrooms. A little piece of Zodar Khan's faith in the goodness of law and order dies.
All That for Nuthin, Damn
Below the thieves' clubhouse, they find some caverns and a chaotic cult. Ranndy asks for the priest, and he shows up. Unable to get free stuff reach a compromise, the party attacks. Mern and the young mercenary are killed by the cult's fighters, but their reinforcements are blocked by Zodar Khan's flaming oil. However, when things seem to be going badly for them, Zodar and Ranndy look at each other and, in an instant, reach a decision. They flee for their lives, leaving the older mercenary to fend for himself. When he decides not to follow them, Zodar blocks their exit with flaming oil, and they return to the camps outside Yam.
Instead of more mercenaries, Ranndy decides to buy slaves, and recruits yet another of his many cousins. Zodar Khan recruits yet another foolhardy cleric of law, Kalikarr, and the lot of them return to Fortress Eibon. They decide to go up through the killing floor in the main entrance, but as soon as they send two slaves up there, they cut the rope and flee! Ranndy uses his ring of telekinesis to drag one of them back, and then punishes the other slaves for his betrayal.
Finally, Some Action!
The party goes up into one of the towers, but sadly runs into some sort of dragon-like spider creature, which breathes fire at them, immolating all their slaves at once. Ranndy is paralysed, but uses his ring of telekinesis to float away from the fight while Zodar Khan watches his back. The rest of the party is killed.
Accidental XP and a Final Note
On the way out, the escaped slave ambushes the duo and is killed.
While it could be argued that Zodar's following (SaSS) expedition was a worse adventure than this, as it cost the party something close to 20,000gp, several magical items, and, with that second ambush, possibly the lives and/or sanities of a handsome dwarf and an experienced fighting-man, it should also be noted that before being ambushed the first time, they managed to level up a total of three characters. When compared to the total losses/loot listed below, one must concede that this was truly the worst adventure ever.
Nearly a dozen good, bad, and ugly men slain within the walls of Eibon.
The survivors gained 86xp for a bunch of mushrooms and one escaped slave. And no treasure whatsoever.
To be clear: In the first expedition, that's 170xp total and no treasure for the loss of two mercenaries, two slaves, and two PCs, one 1st level, the other 2nd level, and in the second expedition that's two mercenaries (I think?), eight slaves, and two 1st level PCs in exchange for… 5xp total. And no treasure. This right here, children, is not how you game the maps.
DM was Planet Algol.