This session played Thursday, 13 October 2011, at Waves on Broadway.
Sigmund Serpenthelm, Lawdor's justicar, and his hireling Om the Stableboy and Baewin the Soon-to-be-Dead.
Colonel Kaffshyth, the mysterious one-armed man and his hireling Herix the Drunk.
Alatar the Red, mage most magnificent, and his hireling Thad the Large.
In which our heroes create a breeding pair of crystal dogs and flee like bitches (GET IT?) when the gods of chaos grant a peerage to another maligned guard-dog-cum-lab-rat-for-crazed-"adventurers" and deliver unto him as his servants three rat-men and a snake-headed wyvern were-wyvern in whose were-wyvern form its right leg sprouts from the top of its neck, a wing sticks out of its right knee, its snake head protrudes from its left knee, and its other wing extends from its genitals, which barely hinders its movement because in this form it can levitate, which I forgot to mention during the game. Read the title of the adventure again if you don't get it.
I. Experiments with Things Man was not Meant to Know
Columbo's Corsairs, sans Columbo, determined it was a great idea to experiment more with the chaos juice. To that end, Sigmund bought 4 dogs to mutate: Nuada, Woda, Hern and Nud.
These were quickly taken into the Dungeon under the now destroyed and derelict Inn. The Corsairs also brought some wooden planks with which to cover the pits leading into the pool room. Once in the pool room, Om and Baewin were put to work operating a lever, which was attached to a dog with a chain. A single dog would be dunked in the chaos juice using this lever. Alatar, Thad and Herix had the rest of the dogs around a corner so they wouldn't observe their cruel, cruel fates.
Long story short, Nuada the male dog got a head full of eyestalks.
Wodan the male dog turned into living crystal of a pleasant yellow amber hue.
Hern the bitch turned into living crystal with an orange cast.
Nud's claws grew enormous.
With such great successes as these, Sigmund decided he'd take up growing nectarines and breeding living crystal dogs. Two more dogs were bought to see what wonders could be further discerned.
Teln was the dog whereupon disaster struck. First dunked in the pool, his left front leg turned into a tentacle. Disappointed, it was decided a re-dunk was in order. This subsequent dunk caused a minor mishap of epic proportions, for upon dunkage the air crackled and was then ripped asunder - a chaos demon's hand was seen through this rent, and all could feel the passing of an infernal blessing upon Teln - three ratmen appeared beside Teln, and it was clear they were there to serve the dog. And suddenly, the werewyvern of the summary appeared, also to serve Teln.
The Corsairs fled at once, leaving our very recently hired hirelings to die in horrific agony cover our retreat. This was ensured when the Corsairs pulled the plank from the top of the pit, which cut off the monster's approach and our hirelings retreat.
II. Retreat and Run Away are our Favorite R-words
The Corsairs ran away some more, right back to Ormok and went straight to the town guards to tell them the story - well, a story, anyways - involving some black robed men who were summoning chaos beasts. They don't believe us, and then charge us a fine for not sealing the door into the dungeon - rather bureaucratic, aren't they?
We then laid low for a week, concerned that the chaos posse might be looking for us. During this time, Kaffshyth takes a magical potion, made by Izaster, to get his armed fixed - which it does do, but as a side effect nothing he says is taken seriously. Kaffshyth is deeply concerned by this "curse" and the Corsairs head to the Temple of Law to get him uncursed. Alas, not only do the priests laugh at Kaffshyth, they also tell us they aren't powerful enough to remove curses. Thankfully, by the end of the week Kaffshyth is no longer a laughing stock (well, at least as far as the curse is concerned).
III. Searching for Secret Doors - Not just for other Adventurers!
Once more the Corsairs risked certain death by re-entering the Dungeon - Sigmund having decided that nectarines weren't exciting enough for a man of action such as himself.
This time the Corsairs brought out the big guns - Wet Pete the water elemental phoenix is summoned by Sigmund. Alatar asks Sigmund if Pete could dig out the collapsed wall, which he does - alas, no treasure is found. Then, with the dogs staying with Sigmund, Kaffshyth and Alatar follow Wet Pete into the Pool Room, which they discover is empty. Not quite belieiving their eyes, Alatar and Kaffshyth search around the pool room - only to discover an illusory wall they'd missed in their previous forays! The illusion hides a ruined alchemical lab, from out of which attack 5 zombies. Alatar and Kaffshyth run away from them, right towards Wet Pete, who patiently squishes all the zombies as they mindlessly follow the Corsairs towards their massive friend. Once the zombies were vanquished, Alatar and Kaffshyth return to the alchemical lab and find a zombie chained to the wall, who Kaffshyth kills. They also find 30 gp worth of powdered gold and silver, clearly for use in alchemy. Pete searches as far as he can, being magically linked to the summoning pool, but is unable to find any sign of the chaos posse, so Sigmund returns him to his watery abode.
Determined to find more loot, the Corsairs head into unsearched areas of the dungeon. They come across a small room just off the hallway which contains a sickly glowing statue of a dwarf king, which is encircled by a giant (6' long) sea snake. A horrible stench emanates from this room, which is explained by the presence of 5 troglodytes. Quickly ascertaining the danger represented by this encounter, Alatar casts sleep and completely takes out every monster. These monsters are then killed in their sleep (adventuring is nasty work, isn't it?).
V. Poison: How I Hate Thee
Further along a stuck door is found, which Sigmund punches open. 4 snakes come pouring out from behind the door. Sigmund is able to kill one. Kaffshyth backs away, grabbing Thad (who was standing behind him) and pushing Thad forward - Thad is then bitten by one of the snakes, yelps "Poison!" and drops dead. Alatar is horrified to see his friend and henchman slain, equally annoyed at both Kaffshyth and the snake. His daggers fly but his rage makes his aim terrible. Herix manages to kill a snake, but Sigmund is then bit! Thankfully, Lawdor's mighty puissance ensures that he does not die. Sigmund and Kaffshyth then manage to kill the last two snakes.
VI. Aerosmith and the Blacksmiths
Searching the room from whence the snakes came, a secret door is found which leads to an aerosmith (inside joke, that). Peering through an arrow slit, a hallway can be seen that leads away. Sigmund casts "Blessed Transparency" and checks further, uncovering some steps and some doors. Opening a door to the south, the Corsairs uncover a smithy. A forge is being ran, and three lizardmen are working on roughly made weapons. On our entry, two of these lizardsmen open a secret door to the west and flee, while the third lizardman attacks us. He misses Sigmund, and we all miss him right back. At this point, the 3rd lizardman also flees through the secret door. Sigmund smashes down the secret door and the Corsairs give chase. Bad luck strikes again, as the lizardmen manage to make it to the caves with the waterfall and stream, which they jump into and swim away. Returning to the forge room, the Corsairs find a bag containing 1000 cp. Kaffshyth, annoyed at this poor progress, smokes some cocoa leaves.
VII. We Hate Pits
Sigmund, angry at this lousy expedition, smashes a door so hard it flies down the hallway ten feet and crashes into a wall. Continuing on, we find a fifteen foot long walk in closet. Every Corsair asked himself why someone would build this closet in this location, but the only useful answer was, "dwarves are %*@$ing crazy." Punching through another door, Sigmund leads us to a dusty room with stairs leading upwards. Then suddenly, while walking towards the stairs, Sigmund falls through the floor! It turns out an illusion of the floor was here, covering a spiked pit trap. To everyone's not amusement, the pit is lined with bas reliefs of laughing dwarven artificers. Deciding that this was enough of this, the Corsairs returned to the pool room so that Sigmund could fill 2 skins worth of chaos juice, before heading back home for bed.
Slain hirelings: Om, Baewin, Thad.
30 gp of silver and gold powder, 1000 cp in a sack.
This line is important for posterity: All PCs received a 120 xp. All PCs received a pittance in gp. Retainers received 60 xp.