86: Temple of the Minotaur's Dick

Played

12 January 2012 at The Grind.

Featuring:

Holga the wormhearted
Ranndy Serpenthelm the internet cheater pioneer and explorer of new platforms
Runty the belligerent
Elfy McOneleg the pointy eared and short lived

This adventure was a variation of "The Heart of the Minotaur," by Joe Sarnowski for the 2011 One Page Dungeon Contest.

Summary

The worm cult somehow gets roped into trying to help some halflings? Instead they go into the first hole in the ground they find, and wander around. They kill a minotaur and Ranndy cuts off its penis and throws it at (insert elf's name here). He dies.

More like the city of Wormok!! (am I right?)

The Worm Cult is in Ormok! Unfortunately the Purple Worm Cult has recently been declared an illegal organization in the region. Fortunately the PWC are used to being unpopular. Holga still has no face and Ranndy still cuts people instead of shaking hands to greet them.
There is some talk of hunting down that jerkoff Reginald, but it is quickly derailed as Ranndy meets some Italian hobbits who need help. The ever-helpful worm cult cannot help offering to help out.

The lame park

The halflings went missing in a park. Reread that. The halflings went missing in a park. How did we get suckered into this?! Fortunately, before too much wandering around the park (are they behind those trees? what about under that bush! did anyone check the hollow log?), or having to talk to some dumb groundskeeper, a crypt is found which can be broken into and robbed.

Dying and killing underground

Inside the tomb is a network of tunnels which seem to be inhabited by kobolds. The two hobbits die ("go missing") almost instantly and so do most of the kobolds. There's a tricky room with a trap ceiling which almost kills everyone but it doesn't so whatever. There are some bugbears too, and a giant spider, and more kobolds but the worm cult puts them all to the sword (mace, dagger, flaming web) without missing a beat.

Make it rain!!

Unlike some adventurers the fine folks of the purple worm cult don't fuck around for free and so they find tons of loot and magic stuff. Ranndy basically has magic weapons strapped to every part of his body. Even the elf gets a potion which allows him to CONTROL ALL HUMANS. (fortunately he doesn't live long enough to use it for his horrifying elfin purposes)

The cow-man

After finding about a half dozen statues of cow-men and man-cows everyone is astonished when they encounter… a minotaur! Holga casts enlarge and giant Ranndy beats the shit out of the minotaur (runty and elfy might have helped too). Broken and defeated, the minotaur submits and begs the Purple Worm Cult for mercy.

Ahahahahahaha!

The curse of the cow-man

After cutting off its penis and throwing it at (elf name goes here) Ranndy takes the minotaur's fabulous jeweled necklace and puts it on. He immediately turns into a minotaur and kills and eats the elf. Holga and Runty beat a hasty retreat.

The Purple Worm prevails!

Later, with great wit and worm-like cunning cheating Holga is able to smash the necklace and free Ranndy from the curse. Nice!

Total Losses/Loot

2 Italian hobbits
1 elf
15 kobolds
6 bugbears
several whispering mushrooms
and 1 minotaur died
1 minotaur was defeated non-lethally

10 gems worth almost 2000gp
cloak and boots of elvenkind
2 golden minotaur horns worth 1000gp each
a potion of human control
a flaming sword +1
3000sp
a kind of nice chain worth 30gp
and maybe some other stuff was looted

This line is important for posterity: All PCs received 1900 xp and 1400ish gp.

DM was johnstone.

Prev: Death To Evil Wizards

Next: Halfling Massacre

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