64: Special Cross Over Extravaganza

This session played Wednesday, 10 August 2011, at The Grind on Main.


Columbo the halfling
Gamgar the dwarf
Merrigold the Serpenthelm

with: the Toronto brothers and Banglor Bantamburn, the halfling with the key.


Gamgar teams up with the Serpenthelm Adventuring Company when some halfling reveals he has inherited a key to the back door of an empty house in Threshold that once belonged to a wizard.

The party descends into the house's basement to loot the tomb of Darth Vader. You can also find Blair's summary of this session at Planet Algol.

Yet Another Annoying Midget, Times Two

Gamgar is having drinks on the patio with his new friend Columbo the halfing and fellow Black Peaks adventurati Merrigold Serpenthelm when the trio is approached by a ginger hobbit with a strange accent. Bilbo Barncamper says his great-great-great grandfather worked as a cook for the l33t Thai wizard Kalapr0n, and that he has inherited a key to his abandoned manor in Threshold. He proposes an expedition, and the three courageous heroes agree.


Ignoring the complaints of Banker Bantha-born, the trio hires a second trio: the Toronto Brothers (Rhino, Dino, and some other guy nobody cares about even though he managed to survive the adventure). They pull up their cart to the grey, three-story building and proceed to check out the back door, which is magically concealed.

Dave's Not Here

The building appears to be an empty warehouse, containing only a strange contraption used for wheeling around a large stone block that conceals a trapdoor leading to the basement. The basement is where all the action is, but Columbo almost ruins this by turning on the taps in the warehouse and leaving them on. Gamgar notices there is no drain except the trapdoor and turns them off.

A Bad Start to a Good Idea

Gamgar descends the stairs to the basement and immediately encounters a soiled, oversized muppet whose green rubbery fur frustrates the edge of his sword and whose violent savagery pummels his body. Gamgar backs up the stairs with this oily monster clutching at his throat. Merrigold severs the fiend's arm, then Gamgar douses it in flaming oil. The trio finishes it off with missile fire.

We're Off to See the Wizard

Rhino Toronto somehow manages to kill himself after being cold-cocked by cobblestones, but our heroic trio takes the severed arm to the local necromancer. They are greeted by his new assistant, who agrees to take the arm to his master in exchange for a bribe. When he returns he informs the party that they encountered a Stair Stalker, which generates spontaneously on underworld staircases.

Columbo is nonplussed, wondering how that conversation went. "Where did they find it," he asks, mimicking the necromancer, "On the stairs? Tell them it's a Stair Stalker. In a hallway? Tell them it's a Hall Haunter." The assistant does not bring the arm back.

A Short Rest Later

Having recovered, the party returns to the manor's basement, where they find crypts and wall niches full of bones. Merrigold's savage new war dogs dislike the dog shrine. The trio encounter a giant, four-armed white ape down a hallway, and luckily it is chained up, so they have few problems mercilessly slaughtering it. The party also found some pit traps and two shiny, magical portals, but the shit really hits the fan when they open the door that was barred.

Shitcock! Ghouls!

Five ghouls emerge from behind the barred door, taking down Columbo and the two dogs. Before they can pop the halfling out of his plate mail, Gamgar and Merrigold manage to lure them away and they fall through the dimensional portal to Carcosa (which Merrigold had previously scouted out, leading to the party's decision NOT to investigate further).

Another Short Rest, Then Once Again Into the Breach

The third expedition yields exponentially higher rewards. After prying open the most ornate door, Dino Toronto is cleaved in half by a glowing red sword, sprouting from the hands of a black-robed sentry. This strange mystic force-chokes one midget and gouges out the eye of the other before the party manages to send him to wherever Sith lords go when they die. The party then proceeds to loot Darth Vader's tomb, taking silver, gold, and gems along with a suit of strangely-sculpted plate mail.

On the Way Out

Gamgar demands the key from Bang-Bang Bandervilt, who has been cowering and whimpering his way through all three expeditions. Gamgar agrees to give him his one-quarter share and invites him on the next expedition into Kalapron's basement. The lone surviving Toronto brother seems to think he is in for an equal share as well, but is quickly disabused of that notion.

Prev: The Other Purple Worm Cultists

Next: Caves of the Creepy Crab Crawlers

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