I was throwing away old papers and found a bunch of old character sheets. There were a fucking lot of them. So I spent an hour and a half (!!) writing up every character I could find evidence of or remember. Only D&D characters.
and so I present, in roughly (very roughly) chronological order: an incomplete list of D&D characters I have played over the last 4 or 5ish years
1. Connor Seanery the Dwarf - level 3
an ordinary dwarf with below average stats. he was debilitatingly aged by dark magicks in the tower of the stargazer, which left him with even worse stats. came into his own when he gained a flame proof ring and matching flaming sword. REALLY came into his own when his head was magically transformed into a bear’s head. never killed. retired after his body was stolen by ZAMZOMAR the wizard and he was unable to continue because he was just a (still living) dismembered head.
2. Holga the Priestess of the Purple Worm - level 5
An ordinary crone witch until she was killed in the sacred worm grave tunnels and struck a bargain with The Purple Worm. Committed her life from that day forth to proselytizing (and terrorizing) for the worm god.
Gained some goblin and ogre minions and wandered hither and thither committing mischief and evil of varying degrees all in the name of the purple worm. threw down with some rival cults, pissed off local politicians, and was eventually killed in Fortress Eibon (i think?)
3. Roald the Mutant - level 2
from Planet Algol. a plant man and a "cannibal" (ate meat people. aka normal people).
He was drowned, devoured, absorbed by and incorporated into the flesh beast lurking in the concubinatorium
4. Velouria the mutant - level 2
about 7 and a half feet tall and 50lb soaking wet
pretty weak (3 str) but ran inhumanly fast and a decent shot with her dart gun (18 dex)
5. Rowlf the dog faced man (thief) - level 1
Rowlf "the dog", in what just barely qualifies as irony, was killed by cat demons.
6. Jack Rellwood - level 2
a retainer who got a sudden promotion when his employer (Rowlf) was torn apart by demons.
he was notable only for a pair of ogre gauntlets and a cloak of invisibility, items which went to far better use in the hands of Merrigold Serpenthelm. don’t even know how he died. quickly overshadowed by his successor, the hobbit Columbo
7. the spectacular Columbo Bumble - level 6 fighting hobbit
Things weren't always great for Columbo. He cut his own hideous mutated nose off about fifteen minutes before an alchemist concocted a potion to reverse the mutations and had to live the rest of the days with a scar where his nose should be. And another time he was cursed by a statue and lost the ability to feel happiness. And his best friend was a homeless idiot street sweeper.
but he did have 13 strength, 18 dex and 18 constitution, and a decent collection of magic swords including The Best Magic Sword. and did you know that level 4-6 hobbits have an average saving throw of 8?
too bad he got cocky as shit, descended into a pit in Fortress Eibon and got himself killed, along with everyone stupid enough to follow him, by ape men.
8. Griswold the midget - level 4
Columbo's step brother. notable mostly because his equipment was sick as hell since he got all of columbo's hand me downs
9. Gershwin the Hermit - level 4 cleric
a madman and holyman who travelled the roads of fairy-land for a time with a number of tall knights and one gnarled dwarf
10. Mertta the cleric of Lawdor
11. Cromwell the shmuck
12 - 17. Ronald, Squid, Carmac, Oscar, Rebellaise, and Mongo
a number of fighting-men and magic users who lived and died, one after another, over the course of one evening, in the basement of Fortress Eibon.
18. Carlos the combat hombre - level 4 fighting man
sole survivor at the end of the aforementioned evening
later successfully recovered Stahlkurtan from Eibon. all his shit got inherited by Trigger Ben when he died.
19. Eli the unwise - level 1 fighting man
a stupid man who died unremarkably
20. Left Eye Hugo of Arms level 2 fighting man
a man of arms who lost his right eye in battle
21. Right Eye Paul Muadib - level 1 cleric
cleric who lost his left eye, also in battle
despite the name he had no connection to the purple worm cult
22, 23. Santiago and Sebastian
twin fighting-hobbits who died unremarkably
24, 25. Gerbil the idiot and Garcia the wretched
more fools who died in the wilderness
26. Karkerruk the magic-user
killed upon accidentally consuming a bottle of acid (it was mistaken for a potion during a tense moment)
27. Karsukker the cleric
carried off by the roc
28. Sussurruk the thief
seared by toad plasma
29. Rukkurkar the fighting-man - level 3
there were four brothers, of four different classes. only rukkerkar lived long enough to see second level.
Rukkurkar actually did alright for a while, until he picked up a shitty cursed sword, at which point his life began to go steadily downhill, culminating with his capture, imprisonment, and eventual death at the hands of some dude named Krinkle
30. Rolly the kind - level 1 cleric
devoured by dog sized geckos while heroicly holding the line so his levelled more valuable companions could safely escape
31. Chuck the dude - level 4 fighting thief
pretty sweet dude until he got captured by degenerates and sacrificed to foul gods
tied to a slab and stabbed multiple times over the course of several rounds before finally succumbing to sacrificial knife
32. Bruce the dude - level 4 cleric
another pretty sweet dude. almost died a lot of times before he actually died. somehow came into a lot (half dozen) horses and freely gave them to new characters who couldn’t yet afford their own.
33. Alfonso - level 1 magic user
met the wrong end of a poison trap (the poisonous end)
34. Herman the Magnificent - level 1 magic user
I've only made one magic user which survived beyond their first session. it wasn't herman
35. Orlando the viridian - level 1 magic user
it wasn't orlando either
36. Todd the wizard - level 1 magic user
i think its magic users that suck and not me
37. Leonard the Holy Man - level 3 cleric
18 wis, 3 int
got a sweet ioun stone which orbitted his head and let him hold more spells in his mind at once (it was a REALLY SWEET ITEM)
died because he tried to fight ghouls and turning rules are bullshit
38. Thirteen the Hobbit - level 4
so named for his strength, int, wis, dex and con which all numbered 13
they aren’t anymore since he suffered some minor brain damage but the name stuck.
39. Bartelina Enderopolis - level 1 ad&d assasssin
so named as part of a dumb joke about a bartender who wouldn’t tell us their name, and because I like drawing my characters to look like bart simpson on their character sheets.
Currently living:
Connor the bodiless dwarf
Velouria the Algolian Mutant
Gershwin the hermit of fairy land
Thirteen the hobbit
Bartelina the assassin
