73: Bowling for Loot

Real World Info

This session was played on Thursday, 6 October 2011, at Waves on Broadway.


Columbo, hippity hobbity, and his hirelings, Myrta the cleric of Lawdor and Cromwell.
Sigmund Serpenthelm, Lawdor's justicar and his elf, (C)Aramel. Also, special guest appearance by Wet Pete.
Colonel Kaffshyth, the mysterious one-armed man, and his mercenary Hurix the crofter.
Alatar the Red, mage most magnificent, and his hireling Thad the Large.


Still residing in Ormok (aka INSERT TOWN NAME HERE), the party encounters more troglodytes! Then, experiments with magical pools occur! A mutant gargoyle is involved! A water elemental is too! An inn is destroyed! Loot is found! Shadows attack! And yet more loot! MwhAhAhaHahHAa!

I. Ormok

Kaffshyth arrives in Ormok and is greeted by his old friend Columbo, and Columbo's Corsairs gains another member. Alatar seems to recall something bad about a one-armed man but no one pays attention. The party quickly hires some more ogre twinkies trusted hirelings and equips them (Alatar gets Thad platemail and a shield). Alatar takes a little bit of time to track down the local sage, Volgar, only to find out that sages are exorbitantly expensive. Clearly more loot will need to be had. Columbo, Kaffshyth and Sigmund then head to an alchemist and make some arrangements, including recovering monster's bodies for the alchemist's "research." Meanwhile, Alatar has a cunning plan with which to test out the water in the pools, and the Corsairs love it. 3 chickens are purchased…

II. Back to the Dwarf Dungeon

Columbo's Corsairs descend into the dungeons under the inn and are quickly attacked, once again, by 4 troglodytes. The monsters are quickly dispatched, yielding up gold jewelry: necklaces, a torc, and a belt.

Once at the pools, the party intended to let Alatar do some experimentation. Kaffshyth decides to take this opportunity to splash some rotting pool water onto Columbo, striking Colubo's nose. This turns out to have grievous consequences: Columbo's nose turns into a troll's nose with a pig's nose on the end. Kaffshyth managed to splash his own arm in the process, which caused it to grow three additional hands in a useless configuration. Meanwhile Alatar places a chicken into the chaos gunk (as it has now been called) - the chicken turns into an ant and wanders off before turning into an ant again: were-antism is a strange disease. Another chicken is tested in the water - it turns bright red. This reddened chicken is then put into the water-like pool, which turns out to be exactly that. The red chicken is then dipped into the noxious water-looking pool and sizzles and burns up - because that was an acid pool!

III. It was the pits

Wandering beyond the pool room now, the Corsairs find a pit trap in the floor. Inside is found a long-dead elf with some small quantity of coins. Sigmund tries to cross over the pit and instead falls in. Beyond the pit lies a room consisting of mandala paintings on the walls and a rotting meditation rug. A fog suddenly enters into the room, and a palpable sense of evil can be felt. The party wisely hustles away.

IV. Mental note: Don't throw monsters into magic pools

The Corsairs then enter a natural cave which soon leads into the room with the bas relief that lies behind the locked room (the key being in the innkeeper's possession). As they enter this room, though, they hear eerie church music. Searching, they find no traps and decide to head further into the natural cave. They find a small cave that Sigmund decides to walk into and where from he suddenly disappears! At this very moment, the gargoyle the Corsairs defeated last adventure appears, all cut up and pouring forth chaos juice from its old wounds! Kaffshyth wisely runs from this monstrosity. Thad and Alatar run into the little cave that Sigmund disappeared from. Columbo follows at a safe distance while the gargoyle chases after Kaffshyth! Kaffshyth runs into the inn and out the front door - the gargoyle follows and massacres everyone in the inn, before retiring back to the dungeon. Columbo, meanwhile, has wandered off with Myrta and run into a pack of kobolds that they quickly dispatch.

V. You're all Wet

Sigmund teleports back into the pool room - smack dap on top of the pool of water. He climbs out and hears and then sees a large pack of troglodytes charging into the pool room. He wisely dumps a bunch of oil at the door leading into the poolroom, forcing the troglodytes to back off. Alatar and Thad teleport above the pool at this moment. Alatar weeps bitter tears as he climbs out of the pool, for his spellbook is now ruined. Sigmund points out that there are all sorts of spellbooks back in Threshold in the possession of the Serpenthelm Adventuring Company - Alatar isn't sure if this is to rub salt into the wound or as a sort of strange consolation, but he settles on the former.

Sigmund decides to summon a mighty water elemental using his bowl of doing same, now that Alatar and Thad can guard him. The water elemental, in the shape of a phoenix, is quickly summoned and it quickly wipes out all the troglodytes. He is christened "Wet Pete" by Sigmund. After wiping out the troglodytes, Alatar suggests the elemental collect all the treasure in the pool the troglodytes lived in. Sigmund agrees and a large treasure is recovered: 6000 cp, 1000 sp and 28 pieces of jewelry, not counting the additional 21 pieces of jewelry recovered from the slain troglodytes themselves.

Sigmund sends Wet Pete to find the gargoyle. This is no sooner said than done, and Wet Pete slays the creature handedly. Wet Pete is then sent to search around for any further treasure or monsters, and finds a secret door in the room with the music, leading to a closet. But alas! Poor Alatar, for Wet Pete found scrolls - and his wet nature meant all the scrolls were ruined by his moistness. More bitter tears were cried by Alatar. 300 sp and 60 gp were also recovered from this closet. Wet Pete is then tasked with tossing all the monster's bodies into the inn so the Corsairs can sell them to the alchemist.

The Corsairs then decide to return to the surface. Upon entering the now-destroyed inn, they are confronted by the town guard, who intend to arrest the Corsairs for letting the monstrous gargoyle out of the dungeon! Unable to talk their way out of this preposterous situation, Kaffshyth pays the guards 3000 gp to make the problem go away, which it does.

Once on the surface, the Corsairs realize they need a place to stay. To that end, Columbo and Alatar rent a place together in Ormok (600 gp/mo). Thad turns out to be a cleric. Sigmund and Kaffshyth and Columbo buy a place as well. Alatar also buys a new spellbook and daggers. They also go the alchemist and give him the gargoyle's body as well as the bodies of 18 troglodytes. It turns out the alchemist won't pay for that. Columbo has the alchemist start researching some way of healing his chaos-induced nose problem, and in the meantime Columbo cuts his nose off. Nobody's too sure if he looked better with or without the trollnose-pigsnout.

V. <Indiana Jones>Dwarves…..I hate dwarves….</Indiana Jones>

The Corsairs return to the inn. It has been boarded up in the meantime, but that's no barrier for anybody. They pass back into the dwarf dungeon and head to the natural caverns. They come across a magic-user - not dead for very long, the Corsairs suspect this is the magic user that the crazy dwarf said his dead companion had slain. The magic user has an ornate necklace with blue gems which the Corsairs acquire. Continuing on, a set of natural stairs is found leading up to a pool, waterfall, and stream. Scrambling up and over the ledge, the party pass through the shallow stream and find more stairs which lead to the back side of a secret door. Opening that, the Corsairs find a room strewn with garbage and moss. Although carefully searched, nothing is found. Further along a hallway is found with two facing alcoves. Within each alcove is a dwarf statue. Each statue holds a sword - one beautiful, one rusty. Sigmund tells Caramel (aka Aramel) to touch the sword. Caramel does, but suddenly steps back with purple foam coming out of his mouth. Columbo tries to save him by pouring some chaos juice on him, but it is to no avail. In moments, Caramel lies dead at Sigmund's feet. Suddenly, though, all unsecured metal items near Caramel fly out and stick into his corpse. Once again, mutagenic ooze proves itself to be a worthy adversary.

Kaffshyth takes out his sledgehammer and smashes the arm of the statue that holds the beautiful sword. The Corsairs then discover it was a poison needle trap which killed Caramel, not the touch of the sword. Myrta takes the sword, which is soon found to be a sword +1.

VI. Shadows!

Just past the dwarf statues a secret door is found, beyond which is a room with some dusty boxes and barrels. One of the barrels contains dwarven whiskey which Kaffshyth takes. An ornate door with a large red X now confronts the party - they figure they are some sort of protective runes. Sigmund decides to summon Wet Pete again, and has Wet Pete throw one of the dwarven statues at the door. This neatly solves the problem of how to avoid being zapped by the rune. Behind the door is an office with with a desk, 2 chairs a rug, and 2 lanterns on stands. While searching the room, six shadows detach from the walls and attack. Cromwell is quickly killed. Alatar discovers that non-magical weapons, oil and holy water are useless against shadows. Columbo kills a shadow, but then Myrta is killed. Sigmund kills a shadow, Columbo kills 2. At Alatar's insistence, the bodies of the henchmen are thrown in the acid pool so they won't become shadows themselves. The office opened up into another room which was empty, but this lead to a set of stairs and another door. The Corsairs enter this room and find it is furnished just like the previous office, and it is also guarded by six shadows. Kaffshyth is surrounded by three shadows, forcing him to retreat after being badly battered. Thad is loaned a mace +1 from Kaffshyth and manages to kill a shadow. The PC's manage to kill the remainder. Under this desk the party finds the shadow's stash: 10,000 sp, 6,000 gp, and a small bag of uncut sapphires. The party then heads back to the surface, but sometime later, in retaliation for stealing Columbo's chaos juice, Sigmund is splashed by chaos juice, resulting in his blood turning into protoplasm and he gains +2 Con. In retaliation for the splashing, Sigmund splashes Columbo, which results in Columbo gaining eye stalks. Thad returned the mace +1 to Kaffshyth.

(D)Izaster the Alchemist

After paying Izaster the Alchemist an exorbitant amount of gold, Kaffshyth drank a potion made to cure his chaos-induced mutations, the four extra hands he grew on his right arm. As a side effect of this pharmaceutic, he became ravenously hungry… for gold! And he had to eat 7,500 gp in order to not die.

Total Losses/Loot

Slain hirelings: Caramel, Cromwell, Myrta.
49 pieces of troglodyte-held gold jewelry (valued at 5050 gp), necklace with blue gems, dwarven whiskey barrel, a small bag of uncut sapphires (valued at 1930 gp).
272 gp of assorted coinage, 10,000 sp, 6,000 gp.
sword +1 (Columbo's possession)

This line is important for posterity: All PCs received 2840 xp. All PCs received 2233 gp, as well as any exceptions below. Retainers received 1420 xp.

Of the above treasure, Kaffshyth took 3000 gp to make up for the bribe to the town guards.
Alatar received 1000 gp because he's a poor bastard, and he pays 600 gp to Thad; Columbo pays 100 gp to Myrta.

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Next: The Myriad Glories of Chaos

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